Thier Are Worse Things Out There By Sean Wadey

 So you found a Gigus in a Forerunner Vault, good for you. Here, I’ll buy you a drink; it’s an awe inspiring thing knowing aliens created it. But biomecha can be killed as can the mightiest of human made mecha. There are alien things out there we should all be worried about.

You don’t believe me do you, well have a sit with that drink and let me tell you a story and if it doesn’t change your mind I’ll buy you another.

You ever hear of the Concordat of Man?


Doesn’t surprise me very few have these days. It was founded about the same time as the Hegemony. The Concordat fought wars with both the Hegemony and Shogunate but it amounted to little more than trading systems back and forth. A couple hundred years ago though the Concordat collapsed. Survivors that showed up in the Hegemony were usually collected and kept from communicating with anyone; the Shogunate seems to have done the same thing. I searched long and hard, found lots of old conspiracy theories about what happened but not any actual records of interviews with Concordat citizens. The Hegemony and the Shogunate took over a lot of the Concordats fringe worlds after that but all the core systems were uninhabitable seems a lot of biological and nuclear weapons were used. Pop your seals on some of these worlds and you’ll be dead in less than a minute.

How do I know? Well for a long time I worked on a salvage crew that contracted with a university in the Clarke Federation to gather whatever useful stuff we could find on those dead worlds.

It seems that very very few people in the Concordat had the gifts necessary to be mecha pilots. The Concordat didn’t use mecha, they had infantry that wore 1 to 5 ton suites of powered armor instead and tanks, very, very big tanks. Some just barely fit inside a gateway field others were even bigger. For the longest time I’d only ever seen burned out hulks of these tanks so thought they must not have been very impressive in battle, until my crew came across one that still worked.

We had been on Laumer for more than a week without incident. Due to radiation levels communications was line of site only, we had just recently launched a couple of com-sats into orbit to solve this but one had died on its way to orbit as it passed over an area we hadn’t been to yet. We sent up a modular drop ship to investigate orbital debris and I was sent with a company of mecha to investigate the ground.

We had crossed the fence line into the Retief Military Reserve without issue which wasn’t surprising at all. The actual base had been nuked to glass but it was a large facility that covered what we thought was empty country side. We crested a ridge line into a long valley when we got scanned by an unseen source and our comm. Channels lit up on every frequency. Someone, it might have been me, keyed their mike and started saying “What the…” as soon as they spoke all the excess noise went away and we heard it speak.

You know how some computerized voices you can’t tell are computerized this one was almost human but seemed to have been designed to let you know it wasn’t. “Human piloted mecha due to current treaties I must inform you that you as allies of the Concordat that this is a restricted area. Turn around and exit this valley.” It said.

The valley was long and wide in the middle of it there was a large flat hill. I was looking at it with maximum magnification when it shifted and the weapon barrels tore through the vegetation that had grown over them. I transmitted, “Captain it’s one of their tanks, center of the valley.” and watched one of the barrels point straight at me, not just my mecha but I could tell it was targeting me in the cockpit.

Captain Smit tried chatting the thing up, “Who are we speaking with? How many survivors are there?”

The response from the AI tank chilled me more than the threat of weapons fire, “I am planetary defense unit HNS-1956, of the Dinochrome Brigade. There are no survivors on Laumer.”

I and several others had begun backing over the ridge but others held their ground. The Captain continued, “The Concordat collapsed a long time ago. Survivors fled other systems to the Hegemony and the Shogunate. We’re a salvage team looking for relics and descendants of survivors. Why don’t you stand down?”

“My orders still stand Captain.” HNS responded, “None of the parameters have been met for me to relinquish my post. I must repeat, turn around and exit this valley or I will use lethal force.”

Jensen spoke up, “Cap’n must be someting really impotant in thar, I ain’t loosing my percentage cause some ol’ computer toll us to go away.” And then he fired a volley of missiles at the tank.

HNS-1956 engaged our 12 mecha simultaneously; accelerating suddenly the vegetation and dirt that had covered it fell away as it began its counter attack. I had read about the weapons on these things from some records we had found but no one alive had ever seen these things in action. It shot the missiles down with its Infinite Repeaters, fired a bolt of fusion plasma straight up from one turret and with another killed the Captain, Jensen and two others in what looked like a nuclear explosion that knocked down several other mecha. The Hellbore had left nothing of the 4 destroyed heavy mecha but burning radioactive wreckage. The rest of us were dodging shells from secondary weapons fire. At the same time as all this was happening my computer told me it was barely holding off a hacking attempt targeting my neural interface. I watched those that fought the machine die barely scratching it. I saw a couple of pilots eject from frozen mecha, one was shot from the sky as it headed into the valley the one that headed out of the valley was ignored. I turned my mecha and ran. It’s weird the detail you notice and remember from a fight spray painted on the side of one of its Hellbore turrets were the dust covered words in old Earth English “Stormin Norman” never did figure out what that meant.

Those that stayed in that valley were slaughtered without remorse or another verbal transmission, that shot it had fired almost straight up had destroyed our modular dropship. The few of us that made it back over the ridge survived. As far as I know planetary defense unit HNS-1956 still sits in the middle of that valley waiting for orders that will never come and with every intent to guard it till the end of the universe if necessary. I don’t know what is in that valley and I don’t care.

The point of this story is the Concordat had thousands of those artificially intelligent metallic monsters and they lost a war anyway, against a non-human enemy that targeted the civilian population of those dead worlds. Humans wouldn’t have used biological weapons that kill any human without protection and that can survive high levels of radiation for hundreds of years. Humans would have bragged about defeating the Concordat and it died without warning or fan fare. We never saw any aliens or the wreckage of their warmachines. That massive battles occurred was obvious but it’s like one side cleaned up all their mess and left. Whoever or whatever they are they are still out their beyond a gateway and we aren’t ready to fight them.

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By Wars End By Joseph Forsithe

We lost our first round fight in a bad way and now we wait for our second round foe. The loss left a bad taste in my mouth and i am looking to put the hurt on anyone who get in my way. I think we will have smurfs next round and im ready to make smurf berry pudding out of them all! My anger is red and nothing will bring me down untill i taste the victory and destroy every one of my opponents in the arena. No natter who we face, oh yes, THERE WILL BE BLOOD! Weather it be theirs or mine, i have come to win and anything short of that is failure is unacceptable! Break out your popcorn and beer because it is going down this round. Polish those mechs and clean your weapons because i am coming and hell is coming with me!

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Smurf vs Bunny By John T. Mainer

It was was what they had all feared. Two of the greatest of friends found themselves pitted against each other in war. The Avengers of Bunny warred with Smurf Patrol. When the Avengers of Bunny dropped, they burned in to the atmosphere, knowing only that this was a “hot drop” ; that the landing zone was held by another Clan, and that they would have to take it.

Bolverk Borson was in his first war as Chieftain, for he was chief of the Avengers of Bunny, promoted to head the junior division of the Defenders of Bunny as they divided their clan by experience and tonnage as their friends and allies in the Smurfs had taught them. He was ready for his first war in the command couch, ready for anything; RND, AFF, Highlander, or their old foes of the Eridani Light Horse, it did not matter, his troops were ready.

As his drop pods burned into the atmosphere, and began their evasion protocols and jamming to prevent being swatted out of the sky by ground base mecha, he received a call that rocked him to his core, and shot his plans to ribbons.

“Attention Avengers of Bunny command, this is Major Sean Robertson, Smurf Patrol, I am invoking SAFCON, your landing beacon is on channel 25B, winds are from the north, gusting, 39-50km. Terrain is rolling hills. See subchannel 24C for map package update, note the “no-go” areas of volcanic activity, much of the ground is undercut with old vent tunnels and unstable for mecha weight passage. Welcome to Clan War XVI, signal when ready for battle”

SAFCON; an old Clanspeak term used between warrior clans in the dark ages before the gate discovery, it indicated that the defenders would not dispute orbit, would allow passage to the ground unchallenged to a time and place of mutual agreement for battle. This was not the kind of war he was expecting. Still, it would be a easier to imagine singing in the vacuum of deep space without a suit than a Smurf lying to a Bunny.

Bolverk keyed his comm channel to his Avengers of Bunny.

“Bouncing Blue Brotherhood protocols in effect. We war to win, but if anyone targets a shut down mecha or ejected pilot, he will make the return trip to orbit strapped outside the dropship naked. These are our brothers and sisters, but just like any family, when we fight, we bloody fight hard. Now lets go kick us some Blue ass!”

++++Drop +3hrs 24 min+++++

Caitlyn was sweating in her Cindron’s cockpit. Bronze Tampon was her personal mech, and she held the center of her front line in the fierce fighting against the Smurf Patrol. It was tough, they trained against each other every week, they knew each other’s styles, each others mecha, each others weakness. You couldn’t bluff them, because you had literally seen everything the other had to offer a hundred times. This was turning into the kind of brutal slugging match that made good post-war stories, and ugly casualty lists.

The Smurf Patrol hit hard, establishing an early pattern of victories. In the first thirty clashes, the Smurfs were victorious in two thirds of them, and the Bunnies were being pushed back to the Drop Zone. That was when Bolverk made his charge, and nothing the Patrol had could stop him. If the Bunnies could open a corridor behind his charge, they could split the Patrol and reclaim the initiative. If the Smurf Patrol closed the gap, the Bunnies that didn’t make it out in the first rush were trapped in the killing ground.

Caitlyn had been given the order to push the Eastern flank, to stop the Smurfs from concentrating their force. There had been a scout lance out there, but the last anyone heard from Panda McFluffypants was a quick “Help, I’m burning!” which Caitlyn assumed meant he had a)found Smurfs b)got kicked around the mushroom patch and had his bunny tail lit on fire. She was there to stop it.

Caitlyn kept her sensors off, focusing on the smoke from the burning mecha, assuming where there was something burning there was someone worth shooting at. As she pivoted her front rank around the gully corner, she looked across the grassy valley to see three matching Cindrons advancing purposefully towards her. Ah, don’t need to look this one up. Phoenix Pain; the red skinned Smurf had a surprising Kareoke voice, terrible taste in men, and a pyromaniacs simple love of burning things. She was one of Caitlyn’s best friends.

“Yo, Phoenix honey, don’t take it personally, but right now we are dead even, and the Clan is coming through. Get in my way, and I will be roasting marshmallows on your burning mecha”

Phoenix laughed with uncomplicated happiness, usually battle disturbed her, as she was not always comfortable with the rage it lit in her blood. Fighting with Caitlyn was the simplest thing in the universe, just a shared explosion of ferocious joy, with lots of plasma and gunfire.

“Caitlyn, I brought enough bacon to feed my lance lunch after we fry your little bunny bums!”

Phoenix fought in the front right point positionwith her Cindron “ Flaming Hot Smurf”, as was customary. Caitlyn had only the one Cindron, so with her splash advantage, she was positioned in the center of her front line. In the initial clash, both unleashed their plasma weapons with devastating effect. Caitlyn’s “Mother In Law” engulfed the central Cindron “Porn Star Smurf”, costing him over half his armour in a single blast. Phoenix blood was born of fire, and she fought like it. The dancers grace that made Miss Deena so deadly did not allow her to dance her Oggun Deanatron out of danger, as the Liquid Torch of Phoenix carved through the join between mecha hip and torso, setting off internal explosions and shattering the mighty Oggun.

Seeing her point mech down and burning, Caitlyn reacted with the protective instinct of a mother bunny, and charged Phoenix, utterly ignoring her own foe. Answering Phoenix’s Liquid Torch with a focused blast from her Destroyer; the sun hot plasma not only blowing the main reactors of Phoenix’s Cindron, causing her to automatically eject, but the reflected plasma splashed back to damage Porn Star Smurf and Sizzling Cindy behind.

Now desperate to protect the fallen Phoenix from the Avenging Bunny, Porn Star Smurf locked his Double Flame on Caitlyn’s Bronze Tampon and cut loose. Her mecha took the hit on its already overstressed knee joints, and the superheated metal and stressed crystal failed when she attempted to pivot back to face her attacker, causing her proud Cindron to topple backwards helplessly, while its right leg sheared off at the knee. Caitlyn tried to roll her mecha so she could eject safely, but her second rank Namtar “Bam Bam” expressed his protective urges by blasting a hole through the nearly armourless Porn Star Smurf to topple his wreck on Caitlyn’s own. The sound when Cindron fell on Cindron was like being trapped in a great bronze bell when it fell down the temple stairs. It was the last thing she knew before passing out.

Caitlyn woke up to see the beautiful red skinned Phoenix Pain hovering upside down in front of her, which was rude, because she felt quite nauseous from the dump shock of riding down her dying mecha, without people running around upside down in front of her.
“Phoenix, stop standing on your head and get me out of here” Caitlyn demanded.

Phoenix looked at the clearly confused red head hanging upside down in her shattered cockpit and decided she was OK. Bossy Caitlyn was healthy Caitlyn. Rather than explaining who was really upside down she simply pushed the quick release on Caitlyn’s harness and let her fall to the (padded) cockpit roof on her own.

Helping Caitlyn up, she caught her up to speed on the battle, and war.
“It looks like you won this one Caitlyn, and when I couldn’t stop you, the Bunnies made it out of the valley. It’s not over yet though. As soon as our recovery trucks get here, we will be back in the fight.”

Caitlyn looked at the field of broken and burning mecha, with the mix of pilots helping each other out of broken cockpits, and wandering around the field arguing about whose arm or leg that was. It was a moot point anyway. When Knockers McGuinty and the Avengers of Bunny tech team arrived, Brainy Smurf was with them, and the mixed Smurf and Bunny recovery crews quickly put the pilots to work dragging parts to whatever mech was closest for the repair team. On one level, it was messed up to be rearming someone they were fighting, but on another it was reassuring to see a little thing like war didn’t come between Smurfs and Bunnies.
Phoenix nudged Caitlyn and asked if she was joking about the marshmallows. Caitlyn shook her head and looked puzzled as to why Phoenix wanted to know. Pointing to Porn Star Smurf (also known as the Hedgehog) who was banging on his cockpit, demanding to be let out, his nostrils flaring dangerously above his classic 1970’s porn-mustache, Phoenix continued.

“With Porn Star still on fire, and not safe to be let out of his cockpit, we could get all greasy helping put the mecha back together, or we could be officers, and supervise this important work while we roasted marshmallows”

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Smurf Camp in it’s first war By Huijari Peli

We are lazy and proud of it. If we can get little loot without lifting finger, or more with working, we are happy with that little loot. So we joined Clan War with clever plan to surrender in first sight of enemy and collect only entry loot. You can imagine our shock when we realise that we needed to do something to get something.

So we marched against 3rd RANGER Bn figuring that we can get something out of it but win, that is impossible. Our mentor did what he could in front of us, but then it was our turn… and it started as bad as it possible could. We lost. And lost. I lost. And again. All this for nothing, so sad. I watched replays for my first fights and noticed something. Noob mistake in mech lineup. When i could stop swearing, i swap two mechs. Only two and then i won. And lost. And won again. I even got little carried away, did get courage to attack and still won. And it was fun.

Rest of clan did likewise, and we actually get feeling that we can pull this off. Lazy Camp that win something. But we are not called Smurf Camp for nothing. I admit that some of us did fight like regular warriors, all that charge against enemy, find someone to shoot. But some of us stay calm, true to our slogan “Slacking off is art…!”. They did not take one step towards enemy. Did not even watch to enemy movements. I’m so proud of them. Because when enemy finally notice them, and charged, they coolly started their mechs, shot enemy mechs in so many pieces and then returned to their relax “activities”.

Well in the end, we sort of win something, not actually whole fight but even that was close call. What we won was defense. We got more defence wins than opponet. That is where Smurf Camp are it’s best. Yes, we could win that first round if we were more active, but that’s work and we dont do that if can avoid. So three more rounds ahead, Death’s BattleBots Alpha {AFF} and Exile’s Children we know, third is mystery, but we can do this with our style. Let enemy to come to us, then we shoot. But if they don’t come? Well, maybe then we go find them instead, i kinda start liking this shooting stuff…

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Post Round Report By Molliere Daffue

Okay and you are here with me today with the Round 3 Scores for half time brought to you by A.N.N. but remember there is still 12 hours left so anything can happen, will we see a few surprises or will the strongest teams win

Division 1
Northwind Highlanders winning by far against Death’s BattleForce {AFF} 215-0
The Isle of Misfit Toys (MMI) walking over *Raging Vengeance* with 151 -15
MurderBots taking a beating by Cyberstorm 4-112
And last Northwind Fusiliers in the lead over Death’s Collectors {AFF} 115-17

Division 2
~Heroes~ losing so far to Black Watch 6-55
*RV Elite Sp Ops* walking over Vision 101-20
Myth & Legends behind The Red Comet (MMI) with 70 points 9-79
Death’s StrikeForce {AFF} 32 to Slaughter House 5 that have 53

Division 3
Star League losing to The Republic Of Zeon 16-93
Myth & Legends 2 losing to 1st Kearney Highlanders 18-68
Death’s Disciples {AFF} trashing OG Mech Warriors 120-7
The Blazing Aces R.C.T. 45 to The Omegas 68

Division 4
*Knights of Vengeance* playing with D.A.K. 32-0
Black Star Lycan Rangers at this moment are losing to Stirling’s Fusiliers 24-54
Highlanders (Highland Regiments) taking a hard beating by 64th Armored Engineers [ARC] 24-105
Abominable Snowmen (MMI) with a tight battle against YBZ-719 52-48

Division 5
*Raging Vengeance Chaos* having a thigh battle with Smurf Legion 60-55
The Nomads not far behind Omega Marauders [HR] 83-96
Death’s Curse. {AFF} winning so far against Defenders of Bunny 114-50
Takeda: 1st wing losing to 300 Wild Tigers 26-84

Division 6
Alpha Legion walking over the fallen one’s 94-4
82nd Omicron Guard [ARC] trashing the Death’s Destroyers {AFF} so far 100-18
Wolverine Death Stalkers with not a big lead over *The Jolly Rogers - RV* 95-55
[ The Black Company (Highland Regiments) in the 100 wile Eridani Light Horse 21st Striker Rgmt is still in the dubbel’s 138-23

Division 7
Astral Claws (The last of the Independence) in the lead over McKenna’s Regiment 45-36
Exile’s Evolution trashing House Steinner 122-3
Ghost Bear taking a hard fall to ~Heroes II~ forces 26-185
PHOENIX (MMI) losing to *Rabid Bunny Surfers RV* 47-93

Division 8
FireFly taking a beating by Smurf Brigade 42-64
Eridani Light Horse 151st Striker Rgmt losing to 99th Chessmen R&D Core [RND-AC] 22-76
Myth & Legends 3 with 1 against MacLeod’s Regiment of 48
Samurai Mecha with 56 to Eridani 71st Light Horse Regiment 41

Division 9
Mech Warriors losing to Wolf 27-37
Clan Hell’s Horses loainf to *Spawns of Vengeance* 69 -139
Death’s Accolyte’s {AFF} walking over Bayou Bengals 61-1
111th Delta Recon [ARC] with a close battle agenst
Blue Octet Dragons (Death Dealers) 65-72

Division 10
Smurf Battalion losing to Exiles 34-63
Relax… It is just a game in the lead over 123rd Alpha Strikers [ARC] 79-25
Black Star Bandits winning The Blazing Aces C.M.M so far 45-9
Murder Of Crows losing to Death’s Stalkers {AFF} 27-112

Division 11
Dragoons (Highland Regiments) with a big lead over Merlino e Morgana 135-14
Smurf Militia giving game a hard challenge 106-37
2nd Kearny Highlanders in the lead over Avengers of Bunny 64-33
Smurf Patrol losing so far to Death’s Hecklers {AFF} 34-86

Division 12
Exiles Song behind Death’s Disruptive Force {AFF} 86-103
Nest of Vipers behind Death’s Recruits {AFF} 63-83
*Wolf’s Dragoons RV* losing to Death’s Infantry {AFF} 63-135
Black Star Rowdies 42 behind 144th Caissa Light Cavalry [ARC] 42- 70

Division 13
Death’s BattleBots Alpha {AFF} losing to 3rd RANGER Bn 6- 49
Smurf Camp losing to Exile’s Children 67-76 

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Post Round Report with John T. Mainer

Clan War XVI Division 5 Day 3 : Time to Dance
Death’s Curse [AFF] 127 vs Defenders of Bunny [BBB] 70

John had been hunting Sean, so had Kyra, which was a mistake. Kyra was the dark Lady, the Lady of Pain, the commander of the Defenders of Bunny penal platoon, the self styled “Ten Who Were Taken”. By most standards, her discipline was somewhere between brutal and sadistic, but her pilots were loyal to a frightening degree, as well as buggier than bed-bugs on a six day stim pack binge. That she went hunting for Sean Laverty, the Joker himself, ranked as equal parts crazy and inevitable. There were over a dozen levels and a few hundred tons between them, while Kyra was cold, cruel and crazy; Sean was mad, bad, and dangerous with it.

He heard the hunting calls and mad laughter of Kyra, as her Namtar (Lady of Pain) found and engaged Joker 1, and Death’s own Joker. The explosions and laughter that rang back argued that Kyra had found her fangs closed not on a snake she could bite, but a dragon that would eat her alive. He drove his Inferno at breakneck pace to reach her.

ScottA83 put his snow white Sever in the way, cold and confident in his skill and firepower. Apparently he was used to fighting the sane, because it cost him precious moments when Red Fury bypassed him completely to roast his wingman in the ravening fires of a Kojin Stove and the Red Fury of his rage. Mad Dog and Hammer plowed the road with their Dreadnought’s guns, while the White Huntress Skadi stalked her Jottun across the carnage, taking her foes two at a time with the icy calm of death herself. The proud and storied AFF heavies were brushed aside like leaves in a hurricane. John would reach his daughter, and Defend his fellow Bunnies.

All around him battle raged, he turned his guns on any AFF that he saw, but always ever the calls came of Bunnies in battle, out gunned by enemies who didn’t just hold the advantage in mass and firepower, but experience as well. Either one could be handled, but both together was a death sentence. Of course, if you didn’t want to dance with death, you had no damned place in the cockpit, and this was a DANCE.

He heard a voice come over the DoB recover y frequency (for those who have punched out successfully, calling for vehicle recovery). It was Kyra.

“You were right, I don’t think he even slowed down. I got one of his, he got all of mine. He may be crazier than me….”

I laughed. Crazy wan’t necessarily wrong. Shots slammed into Red Fury, and from the smoke of burning mecha marched James Lee, determined to finish what Scott started. They clashed like angry titans, and John lost himself in the fury of battle, calling out to the Battleglad, to the Feeder of Ravens. The Victory Father was with him, or he just wanted it more, because when his guns fell silent there were no foe before him, and he resumed stalking Sean.

He heard Sean seeking him as well, and the challenge of Bunny after Bunny throwing themselves against Death’s own Joker, and falling to his mad laughter. Sean too was lost in the battle, lost in the glory of it, stronger than whiskey, sweeter than a woman’s kiss, and more addictive than the most expensive designer drugs.

It was a war within a war, two Clans clashed, and two men danced. Fire and blood, fury and skill, they circled the battlefield, first one way then the other, sweeping everyone before them, dancing closer and then apart. At last they met, and they danced.

Faster than their targeting systems could handle, the mechs clashed and spun and clashed again. Information systems became overwhelmed, and snarling each slapped the override and went manual. Shot after shot hammered out on murderer’s instinct, rather than computer guidance, and mecha began to die. Harlequins fell like shot glasses in an afterparty, and the Black Company burned like drought wood in wildfire. When the dance ended, John stood, Sean fell.

Staggering from the end of a dance that had taken him beyond his limits, John found Sean came with friends as well, as Folum savaged his battered Black company like a starving wolf with a rabbit.

Staggering from his burning Inferno (no irony there), John pulled out his emergency kit, and swore that half of it was destroyed. The precious bacon was intact, but the emergency mead had been breached by spalling cockpit fragments. The blood coming out his leg meant nothing, but the sting meant that precious life giving alcohol was being lost!

Placing the bacon on the red hot armour of his smoking mecha, John began to swear. Recovery from dump shock required rest and meditation (bleck) or bacon and booze (awesome). He did not feel like meditating, he felt like riding the storm more, deeper into the fury. Bacon, booze, and blood!

“Give me bacon, or die sober” a rough voice that sounded like it had screamed away its tone along with its sanity long ago.

John spun, reaching for his weapon, only to clutch his head as dizziness just about took him. Grinning his mad Joker’s grin was a battered Sean Laverty in full Harlequin makeup. Diamonds of black and a blood red slash of a mouth concealed a face whose eyes were openings into a private hell, and whose grin was the promise of mayhem.

More importantly, he was waiving a bottle of Absinthe, the wormwood infused liquor of poets, madmen, and murderers.

Sean looked at John and joked“Nice slippers”

John attended battle in his flop eared bunny slippers, a gift from his youngest daughter. He admitted this was a little strange, but look who was talking.

John used his knife to toss him a half dozen pieces of bacon, and accepted the bottle in return.

“Nice makeup. I see you stayed in the lines this time” Sean didn’t always.

“Colour inside the lines, fight outside them” grinned Sean around a mouthful of bacon.

Recovery teams were hard at work as the two pilots munched on meat and booze, swapping boasts and lies while their killing tools were reforged.

Sean climbed back into his cockpit and waved to John “Bunnies to hunt, people to burn, I will see you later”

John laughed “Off collecting skulls, see you in Hel old friend!”

They both laughed. The madness beckoned, and they were called to it. There dance was not over, the wider war called, their private dance could only be found in the music of mayhem, in the mad whirl of the war. Worlds burned, Clan War rages, madmen danced death. It was a good day.

John T Mainer 28840

— with Sean Laverty.
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War Report By Huijari Peli

 War did go on, we fight against Death’s BattleBots Alpha {AFF}, taking potshot now and then. Not really trying to accomplish anything, still we ended in winning side… Who i am kidding, we worked our arses off to get first real win in this war. But that overdose of work take it’s toll, we were so tired when it was over. Our mechs lumbered in our camp and finally it was time to sleep.

I dreamed of fight against some black mech, it looked some sort boxer… it walked inside our camp, shooting our mechs when my teammates slept. There were other mechs too. I saw our mentor rise his head out of cockpit, then his mech guns shuddenly shoot those visitors couple of time. I remember thinking that i must remind rest of clan, that if they gonna sleep in cockpit, they must remember to secure weapons that they cant fire accidentally.

Then all hell broke lose. Most of our mechs started shoot by themself. Some wiseguy was wired them to use autopilot. Oh dam, i was so angry about 5 seconds, then i was so ready to give medal to that genious. No need to fight anymore, mech will do that for us. Oh Joy and back in to bed.

I woke up to the smell of burned steel? What the hell…? There was burning mechs in our camp?? Our mechs aimed their guns at the edge of the camp?? My dream?? I was so confused… and we were late, that fight with Exile’s Children was today. Dam, it was so embarrassing to arrive late.

They did never show up. We waited so long time in battle ready formation (translated, we set up the camp near pond and were at middle of picnic, when got message). That fight was yesterday, we slept over it. And then they said that we won?? But… i know that dreams can be realistic, but this is ridiculous. Whole clan slept when there was fight and still won?

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Don’t leave your children home alone in CW By Daniel Konsdorf

Smurf Camp 123 vs. 98 Exile’s Children
It was a hard and faught fight but in the end it proved something. And that was if you call them children then maybe they need some big brothers to help them. The teen level EC faught hard against the Smurf Campers but in the end the edge of having a big “Camp counselor” in the form of Cerberus Pain and sheer niode weight won the day. My own Army of 1 Horse, 1, Axe and 3 then 4 hoplites and 2 Shock won the day. Both Shock armed with FDF gear and a single double Mordem and Air Shock each with 2 regular mordems secured the center of the first two rows. Early game my Anzu and Horse in back, both armed with a total of 5 Forced Ion Beams, secured my back row. The under lvled Horse was the weak point but the free Beams from small sponsors gave an edge in the slow effect. A bonus of a 2 for 1 special enabled me to arm my axe with 2 Cry Blasters for 18 niodes and the Fist Of Fury and more forced made it deadlier. Its initial airshock went to a Shock and another free Air SHock armed the other. All the hoplite were armed with 3 forced Ion Beams adn the stock Fur laser. In the end of the Round the resale niode weight of the Ion Beams was 16. The frequency of their presence gave me a large chance at the 5 Slow. And if you can’t fire at me you can’t kill me. Other Smur Campers probably have a similar load…and if the don’t they should get more FIBs (Forced Ion Beams). Because until the Cornerian they are one of the best early Laser weapons.

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Short story by Drake Novum Scientist

Drake and Madmoe’s mechs rush into smurf camp crushing all those before him, it helped that he steered his mechs away from those he deemed too strong for him to take. Wouldn’t want the Antithesis’s AI to get a complex if it lost.

the brave smurfs soon realized the threat that Drake posed and tried valiantly to stem the clone hoard that followed in Drake’s path. Mad Moe’s Nephalix’s blazing weapons cutting a swath through those smurf mechs too foolish to retreat from Drake’s Antithesis.

Soon Drake was sated of battle and he broadcasted a message over an open comm, “The blue dye wore off and you better bring it to the Children otherwise you are not winning this round.”

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Round 2 mid round report By Molliere Daffue

Division 1
Northwind Highlanders braking the Isle of Misfit Toys (MMI) with more than 100 points . Northwind Highlanders 152 to The Isle of Misfit Toys (MMI) 12
Death’s BattleForce {AFF} 169 points with a 100 point lead against *Raging Vengeance* 68 points
Northwind Fusiliers dominating over MurderBots 157-37
And then of cours Cyberstorm VS Death’s Collectors {AFF} .Well you know how is the winner ther

Division 2
~Heroes~ 26 Vs *RV Elite Sp Ops* 131
Black Watch my Fawrits in this divisin with 95 points over Vision with only 3
Myth & Legends teaching Death’s StrikeForce {AFF} a lesson with a 100 point lead 109 VS 9
And then last but not least The Red Comet (MMI) 136 points and in the lead over Slaughter House 5 that have 24 points

Division 3
Star League dominating over Myth & Legends 2 100 -40
The Republic Of Zeon 87 is facing 1st Kearney Highlanders but it seems The Republic Of Zeon will win dis division unless 1st Kearney Highlanders or one of the other teams can stop them 87-35
Death’s Disciples {AFF} with a massif lead over The Blazing Aces R.C.T. of 167 to 4 
The Omegas and the OG Mech Warriors is battling it out with The Omegas in the lead 83 vs OG Mech Warriors 54

Division 4 
And what an interesting Division this is 
*Knights of Vengeance* 108 leading over Black Star Lycan Rangers 108 to 63 can Black Star Lycan Rangers still come back and win this it may be a tight match or will *Knights of Vengeance* dominate
Stirling’s Fusiliers is having some fun with D.A.K 82-3 
Highlanders (Highland Regiments) is battling it out with Abominable Snowmen (MMI) 52 -51 with Highlanders (Highland Regiments) currently in the lead
And then the newly form 64th Armored Engineers [ARC] with a massif lead overYBZ-719 141 -53
My 4 round Prediction 64th Armored Engineers [ARC] Vs Stirling’s Fusiliers

Division 5
*Raging Vengeance Chaos* currently overpowering The Nomads 113 -44
Smurf Legion at 105 points to Omega Marauders [HR] 77 can thy still cats up with Smurf Legion
And then we have Death’s Curse. {AFF} and wat a power house clan this is winning over Takeda: 1st wing 182 -36 no way for them to come back from this unless the craftsmen interfere
Defenders of Bunny 83 to 300 Wild Tigers 66 wat will happen and how will be the winner

Division 6
Alpha Legion taking a hard beating by the 82nd Omicron Guard [ARC] 115-67
the fallen one’s really falling to Death’s Destroyers {AFF} 19-82
Wolverine Death Stalkers 127 dealing out a hard beating to he Black Company (Highland Regiments) better luck next time boys 127-52
*The Jolly Rogers - RV* 103 Cruising over Eridani Light Horse 21st Striker Rgmt 103-15

Division 7
Astral Claws (The last of the Independence) 27 meeting the Exile’s Evolution in a hard battle and Exile’s Evolution dominating it by 190-27
McKenna’s Regiment 62 walking over House Steinner with 62-1
Ghost Bear 61 keeping up with PHOENIX (MMI) but not quit their jet 61-106
~Heroes II~ 134 giving *Rabid Bunny Surfers RV* a hard beating 134-43

Division 8
FireFly 83 to 64 Eridani Light Horse 151st Striker Rgmt will Eridani Light Horse 151st Striker Rgmt cats up with FireFly or will thy lose this round
Smurf Brigade taking a hard beating by the 99th Chessmen R&D Core [RND-AC] their divinity not going to cats this battle up 33-101
Myth & Legends 3 VS Samurai Mecha and Samurai Mecha is divinity in the lead with 82-35
MacLeod’s Regiment with 107 Vs Eridani 71st Light Horse Regiment with 32

Division 9
Mech Warriors taking so far a bad loss to Clan Hell’s Horses 51-131
Wolf 48 is almost at extinction against *Spawns of Vengeance* walking over them 192-48
Death’s Accolyte’s {AFF} 85 Vs 111th Delta Recon [ARC] with 23 will thy stand up to the Death’s Accolyte’s or will they fall 
Bayou Bengals 33 vs Blue Octet Dragons (Death Dealers) with 81

Division 10
Smurf Battalion 50 Vs the newly reformed clan Relax… It is just a game at this moment Relax… It is just a game is in front with 71 over Smurf Battalion 50
Exiles with 108 Vs 123rd Alpha Strikers [ARC] with 116 will this be a nail bitter battle or will one of the 2 clans emerge superior 
Black Star Bandits leading over Murder Of Crows with 84 - 20
The Blazing Aces C.M.M. taking a hard fall to Death’s Stalkers {AFF} 39-94

Division 11
Dragoons (Highland Regiments) 172 Vs Smurf Militia and with a score of 172-146 in favour of Dragoons (Highland Regiments) will Smurf Militia catch them?
Merlino e Morgana with 33 and in the lead over Game with 28 that is close 
2nd Kearny Highlanders now at 60 and leading over Smurf Patrol with 10 
Avengers of Bunny 123 and seems to be in control of this battle over Death’s Hecklers {AFF} at 66

Division 12
Exiles Song leading over Nest of Vipers 63-29
Death’s Disruptive Force {AFF} 170 almost with a 100 point lead over Death’s Recruits {AFF} 170-83
*Wolf’s Dragoons RV* leading over Black Star Rowdies with 95 -28
Death’s Infantry {AFF}Vs 44th Caissa Light Cavalry [ARC] and what a battle with 144th Caissa Light Cavalry [ARC] in the lead 131- 150

Division 13
Death’s BattleBots Alpha {AFF} at 62 and there enemies Smurf Camp at 83
3rd RANGER Bn at 63 and in the lead over Exile’s Children with 60 
And that is that, there will be a few interesting matches jet to come and some of them has already been decided and many are still fitting to find a medal

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Mid War Report: By Mycroft Holmes

Things are progressing as we have planned. The first round of battle was more of a training exercise than actual combat. The opponents, while tough, were not able to field their full contingent of pilots. Further investigation has determined they have been stricken with a particularly virulent strain of Antarian grey fever,which causes the victims to become, shall we say “explosive” at both ends. Most likelycaused from improper decontamination procedures on the transport in system, as many fans here have been similarly affected.

Round two has been a tough fight from the beginning. We have swapped the lead several times with these “Smurfs” and while their totem may be a joke their skill certainly is not. They are well trained and have fielded some advanced gear obtained from previous victories in this arena. *(Note: Possible recruits? Investigate) We currently hold the lead but it is by no means certain. Several avenues of attack still remain. We will exploit them as soon as possible.

Round three looks to be much easier than two as unconfirmed reports have began to circulate that the pilots of Merlino e Morgana are suffering from the same affliction as the pilots from Game.We believe they used the same transport liner.*( Personal note: I have changed your vacation plans for next week. You will be touring the Three Angels Cluster near Regulus.I have taken the liberty of giving your old cruise tickets to my mother in law)With many of their pilots out of commission we should be victorious and make our way to the championship round.

Round four will be tough no matter who we face. Avengers of Bunny are allied with the Smurfs and have drawn experienced pilots to form the core of this new group. While they are untested they seem to be a formidable opponent. The other front runner is 2nd Kearny Highlanders. They have taken the gold several times, not only in Clan Wars, but several KotM events as well.

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Clan Wars analysis by Kai Alan Williams

This war is looking good for us, We had a good fight from McKenna’s Regiment and were surprised that from our scouting that we had a chance at the final round for gold. We’re currently facing Astral Claws and I’m a bit sad that they have not tried to score more than they have 6 members that could score on 7 of our members but they’re not trying. Looking at House Steiner our leadership feels confident that we will take them and more than likely we will face Heroes II in the 4th round. From previous experience it’ll be a real tough fight for us and they will more than likely win but that doesn’t mean that we won’t try our hardest for an upset.

For the main camp of Exile’s it will be a tough war. First round they had to face Relax… it’s just a game and seeing the members of RND is always a fear for any Exile. They are currently facing 123rd Alpha Strikers [ARC] and that is a very hard clan to fight; their members are a tough lot, I have no idea if Exiles can take the round. 3rd round they will be facing their former Allies Smurf Battalion lead by a former Exile Pio Sergent Windmill Linares. I’ve seen no scout reports on them so I’m assuming it will be another extremely tough fight. 4th round whomever they face will hopefully not be as tough as the bracket they found themselves in.

Exile’s Song has done well with a big win over Death’s Recruits AFF clan, their was some trash talking between Song’s leader and one member of the AFF from the reports I heard and that spurred them on. Their current fight against Nest of Vipers is closer, but I believe that Song can take this round. Their 3rd round will be the tough fight I believe facing another AFF clan in Death’s Disruptive Force. I’m hoping that Song can pull out a win and go on to the 4th round to face the winner of the other bracket.

Finally Children won their 1st round and it is a real close fight in the 2nd round for the 3rd round they face the smurf camp and it’ll be interesting to see if they can win. Since their is no 2nd bracket I’m assuming they will face either Smurf Camp or Death’s BattleBots Alpha AFF if they win the 3rd round against the Smurfs.

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Round 2 final scores and predictions for round 3 until division 5 By Molliere Daffue

Division 1
Northwind Highlanders trashing The Isle of Misfit Toys (MMI) with 187-13
Death’s BattleForce {AFF} win the second round against *Raging Vengeance* 197-70
MurderBots taking a massif trashing by Northwind Fusiliers 39-179
Cyberstorm as always the dominating force and beat Death’s Collectors {AFF} 177-9

Predictions for round 3
Northwind Highlanders Vs Death’s BattleForce {AFF} = Northwind Highlanders wins
The Isle of Misfit Toys (MMI) Vs *Raging Vengeance* = Unknown 
MurderBots Vs Cyberstorm = Cyberstorm wins 
Northwind Fusiliers Vs Death’s Collectors {AFF} = Northwind Fusiliers wins

The golden Match Round 4

Northwind Highlanders Vs Cyberstorm

Division 2
~Heroes~ got out matched by *RV Elite Sp Ops* 31-142
Black Watch win the second round against Vision with almost 100 points 100-3
Myth & Legends trashing Death’s StrikeForce {AFF} with 116-25 
The Red Comet (MMI) beating Slaughter House 5 164-25

Predictions for round 3
~Heroes~ Vs Black Watch = Black Watch wins 
*RV Elite Sp Ops* Vs Vision = *RV Elite Sp Ops*
Myth & Legends Vs The Red Comet (MMI) = Unknown 
Death’s StrikeForce {AFF} Vs Slaughter House 5 = Unknown

The golden Match Round 4

Black Watch Vs The Red Comet (MMI) or Myth & Legends

Division 3
Star League dominated Myth & Legends 2 with 104-42
The Republic Of Zeon win against 1st Kearney Highlanders 97-43
Death’s Disciples {AFF} hang out by the pub while the meshes is on autopilots and killing the The Blazing Aces R.C.T 174-4
OG Mech Warriors lost to The Omegas 59-87

Predictions for round 3

Star League Vs The Republic Of Zeon = The Republic Of Zeon win 
Myth & Legends 2 Vs 1st Kearney Highlanders = 1st Kearney Highlanders win 
Death’s Disciples {AFF} Vs OG Mech Warriors = Death’s Disciples {AFF} win
The Blazing Aces R.C.T. Vs The Omegas = The Omegas

The golden Match Round 4

The Republic Of Zeon Vs Death’s Disciples {AFF}

Division 4
*Knights of Vengeance* win against Black Star Lycan Rangers 126-84
D.A.K. losing to Stirling’s Fusiliers wile thy plan their attack on Black Star Lycan Rangers 3-91
Highlanders (Highland Regiments) win Abominable Snowmen (MMI) 76-62
64th Armored Engineers [ARC] trashing YBZ-719 141-53

Predictions for round 3
*Knights of Vengeance* Vs D.A.K. = *Knights of Vengeance* wins 
Black Star Lycan Rangers Vs Stirling’s Fusiliers = Stirling’s Fusiliers win 
Highlanders (Highland Regiments) Vs 64th Armored Engineers [ARC] = 64th Armored Engineers [ARC] wins 
Abominable Snowmen (MMI) Vs YBZ-719 = Unknown

The golden Match Round 4

64th Armored Engineers [ARC] Vs Stirling’s Fusiliers

Division 5
*Raging Vengeance Chaos* beat The Nomads 129-52
Smurf Legion win the second round against Omega Marauders [HR] 139-84 
Death’s Curse. {AFF} trashing Takeda: 1st wing 184-36
Defenders of Bunny win the 2nd round with a close battle against 300 Wild Tigers 84-66

Predictions for round 3
*Raging Vengeance Chaos* Vs Smurf Legion = Unknown
The Nomads Vs Omega Marauders [HR] = Unknown
Death’s Curse. {AFF} Vs Defenders of Bunny = Death’s Curse. {AFF} win 
Takeda: 1st wing Vs 300 Wild Tigers = Unknown

The golden Match Round 4

Death’s Curse. {AFF} Vs Smurf Legion or *Raging Vengeance Chaos*

Division 6
Alpha Legion losing the almighty 82nd Omicron Guard [ARC] 67-134
the fallen one’s handed them self’s over on a silver platter to Death’s Destroyers {AFF}19-105
Wolverine Death Stalkers beat the Black Company (Highland Regiments)130-57
*The Jolly Rogers - RV* trashing Eridani Light Horse 21st Striker Rgmt 107-18

Division 7
Astral Claws (The last of the Independence) lost badly to Exile’s Evolution and will most likely never be the same 77-202 
McKenna’s Regiment walked over House Steinner 66-1
Ghost Bear lost to PHOENIX (MMI) 92-148
~Heroes II~ win against *Rabid Bunny Surfers RV* 137-46
Predictions for round 3

Division 8
FireFly win against Eridani Light Horse 151st Striker Rgmt with 109-69
Smurf Brigade took a trashing form the almighty 99th Chessmen R&D Core [RND-AC] undefeated champs 33-109
Myth & Legends 3 lost to Samurai Mecha 41-96
MacLeod’s Regiment walked over Eridani 71st Light Horse Regiment 112-33

Division 9
Mech Warriors lost to Clan Hell’s Horses 54-123
Wolf took a trashing form *Spawns of Vengeance* 69-208
Death’s Accolyte’s {AFF} win over 111th Delta Recon [ARC] 88-36
Bayou Bengals lost to Blue Octet Dragons (Death Dealers) 35-81

Division 10
Smurf Battalion losing to Relax… It is just a game an newly formed clan x’s RND 53-87
Exiles lost to 123rd Alpha Strikers [ARC] what a battle that was 127-146
Black Star Bandits thrashing Murder Of Crows 97-21
The Blazing Aces C.M.M. took a loss from Death’s Stalkers {AFF} 62-96

Division 11
Dragoons (Highland Regiments) won over Smurf Militia 199-175
Merlino e Morgana win over Game 45-39
2nd Kearny Highlanders walked over Smurf Patrol with 91-26
Avengers of Bunny win the second round against Death’s Hecklers {AFF} 140-72

Division 12
Exiles Song win Nest of Vipers with 79-48
Death’s Disruptive Force {AFF} gave a trashing to their own affiliation (nice planning ) Death’s Recruits {AFF} 188-88
*Wolf’s Dragoons RV* win over Black Star Rowdies128-50
Death’s Infantry {AFF} lost to the newly formed 144th Caissa Light Cavalry [ARC] 144-167

Division 13
Death’s BattleBots Alpha {AFF} lost to Smurf Camp 63-83
3rd RANGER Bn win with 66 over Exile’s Children 63


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Pre Clan Wars Interview.

-Gunfire is heard in the background.-

Im here with Konsdorf Daniel. Leader of Smurf Militia. Konsdorf, Clan Wars is upon us yet again and WOW that shot was close! Anyway, as i was saying, Clan wars is just around the corner, Are all your smurfs ready?

Konsdorf)-Yup. Sadly one Smurf was unable to respond before I relocked the clan earlier today. What you heard there was a new addition. A “level 35” warrior. He doesn’t have much other than ogguns but he should give us a nice kick. Our plan is to have him scout for us so that even our smallest can get those 8 magic points needed for rewards in case we don’t get a medal. I myself recently bought a pair of niode shields to ensure my Fides lasts long enough to use its enhanced flame abilities. I do think we are ready.

Moe)-Sounds like you guys are ready to roll then. Any potential “Road Blocks” for the Militia?

Kronsdorf)-Hmm…well AFF is always a problem. One of the main reasons we only ever seem to get silver or bronze. But we have come close to defeating them. Losing by 8 points is exciting. I plan on trying to coordinate everyone to prevent such incidents as attacking the wrong level and similar. Pilot error though is a problem for everyone.

Moe)-Agreed, The AFF are a solid group all around and a tough draw for anyone but 8 points can be a swing either way, so who knows, you guys might just come out on top. Would you like to send a shout out to anyone while we have you on live T.V.?

Kronsdorf)-Sure! -Turns to the camera.- To all you mecha fans: Enjoy the show and try your hand at a rig someday! You might have what it takes! -A liquid torch fires in the distance.- Hey! That’s my fides! I didn’t give them permission to test my Arachnophobia! Um…I gotta go.

Moe)-Well there you have it folks! Good luck out there and hope to see you on the medal podium! So long Smurfs! This is Moe Lee for ANN signing off!

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Nephalix Review


Review of the Nephilax:

A wonderful prize for being the best of the best in your division. As you level past 25th level or so, the Star Industries Mechs somewhat surpass the Nephilax in productivity but it has superior speed over most medium or heavy mechs and can hold more weapons. They are great for 40 ton and under tournaments. With 5%chance of 3X damage, they are a great asset, along with some shielding to to keep you in the battle a bit longer for your ultimate victory!


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All reports here were written by players of Mecha Galaxy.
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